I work the night shift. Well for at least a few more weeks, anyway. I am being moved over to the day shift...and not just any day shift..a M-F day shift position. Back to the norm. Get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch a little tv, go to bed...repeat. Who would have thought this would thrill me?
I am a creature of nature. I have habits that are not just set in stone...they are fossilized. I drink something before I sleep every single night...I chew on ice (I know...bad for my teeth. So I will die well hydrated with bad teeth...life is a trade off.) and I read my book. I fall asleep doing this every night.
Although I don't sleep through the night now. I sleep through the day. And my body, creature of habit that it is, can almost feel the sunshine through my skin...the slightest sounds wake me...and I can never fall back asleep. I eyelids perceive that there is light and my brain, hardwired now after years of training, says, "Get UP! It is time to work, to get things done...you're burning sunshine!" And I say, "No, I have only had two hours of sleep. I need to sleep." And my body, unwillingly finally falls into a restless sleep all the while struggling, straining, if you will to have me rise to normalcy.
My vampiric habits have thrown me into a world where I am not sure which way is up. Like Alice's long fall through the rabbit hole, I keep wondering if there is an end, if there is such a thing as time, if ever was.
"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~Alice, Alice in Wonderland
The change, they say, would do me good. Give me perspective and I would, eventually, adjust. But adjust to what? To being awake and mobile around the house, while everyone else sleeps? To have my normal days be out of sync with everyone else? To not knowing which meal to eat...or even when?
No...you don't adjust to night shift. You cope. And I have found a level at which I cope...found others who have the same schedule as I do so that I have someone to talk to and do not find myself so alone. They make it worthwhile, these other creatures of the night. It is for them, and only them that I will miss the night shift.
Otherwise, I bid it farewell like a gnawing blister on my foot. I will embrace spring again. I will see my children and be part of their lives, rather than rise when they come home only to take a couple of hours to wake up. (does one ever get over that groggy feeling on nights?) And I will be part of the human race again. Pushing my cart through Wal-Mart when there are actually other people there. Not always asking people what day it is. Eating meals in order of breakfast, then lunch, then dinner. Bliss!
The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all he said was, "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?"
"Come, we shall have some fun now!" thought Alice. "I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. — I believe I can guess that," she added aloud.
"Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?" said the March Hare.
"Exactly so," said Alice.
"Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare went on.
"I do," Alice hastily replied; "at least--at least I mean what I say--that's the same thing, you know."
"Not the same thing a bit!" said the Hatter. "You might just as well say that 'I see what I eat' is the same thing as 'I eat what I see'!"
"You might just as well say," added the March Hare, "that 'I like what I get' is the same thing as 'I get what I like'!"
"You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, "that 'I breathe when I sleep' is the same thing as 'I sleep when I breathe'!"
~Alice, The Mad Hatter, The March Hare and The Doormouse, Alice in Wonderland.
But I have learned many things during this trip "into that long goodnight." I do not take for granted a good night's sleep. I appreciate all the more what those who do the night shift go through, and I hope for them that it is either something that they want, or that it becomes something that they can handle. And for those who flip between days and nights...like nurses, you have all my praise and admiration. It was hard enough for me to make the adjustment to this on a day in and day out basis. I cannot imagine what you go through flipping around week after week and month after month. Torture.
And so, I will go through the next 6 weeks or so until I switch back over to days. I will savor the insanity of this mixed up, topsy-turvey world that I am in right now. Because now I know, I want to appreciate the small things that make life rich, like sleep, breakfast and sunshine.
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? ~Alice, Alice in Wonderland.
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