So I have a story to tell...It all began rather innocently. No, really...I had good intentions. I always do.
I had planned to visit a friend who lives in Baltimore, Maryland. The plan was since I was homeschooling at the time, and so was she, we would use this wonderful time of being together to educate our children and take them into Washington D.C.
It was a beautiful plan. She had three children. I had four, we both felt that we could spend the day seeing some wonderful historic things, expounding as we went on the freedoms of this country, the bravery of the men, and the wonders of a country just being founded.
Their little minds would absorb and soak up all this information. They would ask intuitive, thoughtful questions. They would grasp the wonder of it all in just a few hours and praise us for bringing them to the nations capital to see those bits of history.
That was the plan. We were going to go to the Smithsonian to view the First Ladies Dresses (for the girls of the group) and also to the pop culture era display to see some of the thing in that just for fun.
Then it was off to view the Declaration of Independence. Once their minds had absorbed being in the presence of that document, it was off to the Washington Monument and then to the brand new World War II Monument.
It was a busy day...but we knew their excitement would rise to meet ours. Right? They were little vessel just aching to be filled with knowledge and here we were providing them with an abundance of it! It was the perfect plan.
It started at the train. We decided taking the train into town made sense since parking would have cost a fortune. Once there, buying passes for two adults, two pre-teens, and five small children proved to be more difficult than we had imagined. It was a simple kiosk. You insert your money choose you ticket and then it pops it out and your change and your leave. Simple. Well...until you factor in...do you want more than one stop? What are the ages of your children? Do you plan on returning? Before or after 5PM? What is your state of residence? Date of your last tetanus shot? Credit Score from three reporting agencies? Great-Grandmother's Uncle's Mother's Maiden name?
We turned around at one point and there was a line behind us of about twelve cranky people. Our kids were already running around and we were staring blankly at the kiosk. Yep...this was going to be a great day.
Finally, a nice lady who worked for the trains came over and helped us. Thank god. We would still be standing there.
Once we were finally on the train, it was just a quick 30 minute ride into town. Thirty minutes to an adult is quick. 30 minutes to a child is a television show. A recess. It was an eternity. It was like trapping kittens on lazy susan. They were everywhere. We would no sooner get one seated then we would be chasing down two more.
Yep..this was going to be the perfect day.
We finally arrived in D.C. Yeah! We had everyone and everything we needed. Off we went to walk the three blocks to the Smithsonian. Three blocks. It was at block two.
On the second block of our walk it began..."Are we there yet?" "How much farther?" "I'm hungry." "I gotta go pee."
When we finally made it to the Smithsonian I was beginning to think that maybe I had bit off more than I could chew. We herded the girls into see the dresses..forcing the boys to just walk along with us. Next thing we know the boys are standing around dancing "look at me...I am a silly girl...look at my dress" and then they would break down in fits of laughter.
The Declaration was next and we had to wait in line for at least 30 minutes. This is not a good combination when you are outnumber 2:7 by children. We were grasping for sanity when we finally made it up to view the Declaration. I will never forget as I stood there...just a bit misty eyed thinking of those men who signed that piece of paper and what it meant...to them..their families, their businesses....their way of life when my oldest son says, "It just a sheet of paper. We waited in line to see a sheet of paper?"
Yes..that's my boy. Bet you are wishing you had one just like him. Well...tough. He is all mine.
We began to move on. Next was the Washington Monument. Someone probably should have told me it was closed. That would have been good to know. So on we trekked to the World War II Monument that had just opened.
Did I mention that on a map these things look really close together but when you are walking, trailing 7 ducklings behind it is realllllllllly far. I mean like a 1.8 miles, but it seems longer when the kids are looking at taxis parked on the side of the road offering rides.
We finally make it...and the kids are hot and sweaty because the humidity is up around 3,000% and it is about 98 degrees. And we see the reflecting pool. Oh it is a thing of beauty. Fountains spraying water into the air force a light mist across our hot and sweaty faces. It was like an oasis waiting just for us.
But all our children see? Way at the end on the other side. Toddlers are wadding in the pool. They are up to their belly buttons wearing swimmies and splashing around. Feeding ducks and looking like healthy little sun soaked babies just as cool as they can be.
Our children...they look from the toddlers to us, back to the toddlers, back to us and they raise their little hands and point. "Please....Please can we wade?"
At this point we look around and see dozen of adults with their shoes off and their feet soaking in the pool. Soaking feet sounds really, pretty damn good right about now.
I should mention at this point, I think overall we typically are sensible adults who make good choices when it comes to how our children behave. We do not allow them to run around, we choose to try and make them into productive members of society.
But somehow, during this moment, I think we lost our minds. Because we said yes..."Yes, you may wade. BUT, only up to you knees."
Yep...that was when that crucial mistake happened. We said yes. It seemed harmless. Let the little tykes wade into the water, soak their little feet, have a little fun..what could possibly go wrong?
Now you know anytime a parent asks that question they are met with a cosmic chuckle. God, in his infinite wisdom has just been challenged to a throw down and it is on. Your brain housing group could not possibly conceive of what is about to come at you. Not in a million years. Yep...you're in for it now.
No sooner had our children stripped off shoes, rolled up pants and waded in, and we were just settled down to watch our children wade around for a few minutes when one of them..the middle child of my friend, went feet over head under the water.
You saw that coming, didn't you?
You're a better person than me...I was clueless. Now my friend and I both looked at each other...yes, my friends, fear entered our eyes at this point. As we looked back in that split second...every child froze, eyes riveted on the now soaking wet child who was standing there crying.
The eldest child turned to us...now taking the lead for all of the kids...it was now us against them and said, "Hey..that's not fair...she got to get totally wet!"
Yes, folks. This is that point where there is no winning. It is the parent's Kobayashi Maru. And we replied with, "Yes, but she fell. It was an accident."
Within 30 seconds every single child had had the same accident. It was like watching Whack-A-Mole as every one of them disappeared and then reappeared again.
We had lost all control.
Now as a parent I like to say you have two choices at this point and it marks what kind of parent you truly are. You can either scream and punish them....or you can take their picture.
We opted for the latter.
And soon we were laughing so hard we could hardly sit still. Kids were falling all over themselves. Laughing, jumping, splashing...it was pandemonium. And we were totally insane. We snapped away and laughed...it was about all we could do.
After a couple of minutes we heard an "ahem" and noticed we were now seated in the shadow of a very, very tall, very serious park ranger.
You know where this is headed don't you?
He quietly says to us, "Ladies, this is not a pubic pool."
We looked up at him and wanted to explain...No really we are homeschooling parents with very well behaved children...our kids excel at understanding history and are honored to be here....
All we said was, "Yes, sir...we will be gone in just a quick second."
Three minutes later we had pulled crying kids out of the reflecting pool and were headed back out of the monument.
It was at this moment when the heavens decided to open and pour down rain so hard that there was not one person at that monument who was not as wet as we were.
We made our way back to the suburbs and recounted our day over some wine and dry clothes.
Humiliation may just be good for the soul.
Turns out, my friend called me two weeks after I visited. Seems there were some signs that went up at the monument after we were there.
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